Ever since I started my blog I have been addicted to Twitter. Twitter was a place I spent the quiet times of my maternity leave, I spoke to my lovely friends on Twitter more than I spoke to my friends who lived near me. Some days the people on Twitter were the only people I spoke to. I have seen the blogging community come together during sad times like when Kerry from Multiple Mummy lost her fight and sadly passed away or when the worst happened to Jenny from Edspire and her beautiful daughter lost her life to cot death I saw so many blogging friends come together in heartbreak to share love and strength and to let their dear friends know that they are thinking about them.

Some people don't understand the importance of Twitter or blogging they may think it is a bit lame but for me Twitter and the blogging community have been amazing. When my marriage ended the first thing I did was take to Twitter, I poured my heart out to my dear Twitter friends before I even thought about telling any "real life" friends. I was completely overwhelmed by the kind words people sent from the friends I speak to on an almost daily basis to people who I barely speak to. At one point I could barely keep up with replying to each of the tweets. Even though I was going through an awful time I didn't feel alone I always feel like there is somebody on Twitter to talk to even in the middle of the night when I woke up feeling sad and alone I could send a little tweet and receive a response saying something simple like "hugs" and I would feel a bit happier.

Blogging has also become like therapy for me a place for me to write down all of my thoughts and to help me get things a little straighter in my head. Even though I don't like my blog to be a negative place at the end of the day this is my life my life isn't perfect it never has been and never will be and I want my blog to be true to that. When you read blogs that are just written about the perfect happy times it can make you feel like you are always comparing somebody elses life to your own and that is never healthy.

Even though I hope people don't go through break ups it's a fact of life that these things do happen and they always will I just hope that one day if somebody does go through it they might find my posts and realise that yes it might feel like the end of the world but life does go on, things will get easier and you will come through it a stronger person.
This week we have spent a lot of time with my dad which Thomas loves, he loves spending time with his grandad and it definitely makes Thomas happy and it gives mummy a little rest time having somebody else fussing over him :)


I have taken Thomas back to the doctors today to try and get his head sorted. The eczema on his body is brilliant at the moment and I think we have it under control for the moment but his scalp was getting worse and whatever our doctor give us just wasn't working. So today by chance we were seen by a different doctor and he gave us some completely different stuff to try as he seems to think it looks like Thomas has a yeast infection on his head. The doctor also advised me to get his hair cut off so we can treat his scalp easily. I knew I needed to get it done anyway as I think his hair was getting to the point where it was making his head itchy because it was too hot.

I took Thomas to my hairdressers and asked them to shave it all off. I must admit I wanted to cry a little bit seeing all of his hair coming off and Thomas had worked himself up and was screaming because he didn't like the clippers. Thomas just doesn't looks like my Thomas anymore but I think having his hair this length is growing on me already. Even though I loved his long blonde hair I never thought he looked neat and tidy!




I can't believe it's time for Thomas's 20 month update already, the months really are whizzing by it wont be long until I need to start thinking about organising his second birthday celebrations. I feel like I say this every month but his speech is really coming on so well. Thomas is becoming a real whiz at putting words together now to form little sentences I am trying to encourage 3 word sentences now and occasionally Thomas will say them but it's normally just putting mama on the end of things like "what that mama"

Tonight tried a very special phrase as a sort of thank you for the past 20 months and he tried to say love you, granted it turned out more like atcho but I knew what he meant as he was copying off me and then give me a kiss. That single moment was the best ever.

Thomas is definitely learning his own mind now and has learned the word "No" if he doesn't want to do something or doesn't want something he throws that word at me and it takes a lot of hard work to get him to come round. Another word he is loving at the moment is "mine" everything is mine. 




Thomas's tantrums have gotten slowly worse and it seems like some days he just wakes up in an awkward mood and we have tantrums and strops one after the other. The headbanging is the worst he will just headbutt anything when he gets annoyed or frustrated. I just can't wait until he can learn to express himself in different ways.

Thomas's eating seems to be going in phases like some days he wont stop eating yet others he hardly touches a thing. One day he likes veg the next he wont touch them, I guess that is just toddlers for you.

New tricks

Thomas now wipes his own hands and face when you ask him too, he has actually been doing this for a while but I don't think I have mentioned it before.

Thomas now recognises when he has pooed and will let me know by patting his bottom. I have bought him a potty just to start getting him use to it. I'm not going to try properly potty training him yet as I don't think he's properly ready but I am encouraging him to sit on it for a short while through out the day when we are at home in the hope that he might realise what it is for.

We have learned a new song with actions, Thomas can now do head shoulders knees and toes and does the actions as we sing it and we are getting quick quick at it now. Thomas also loves when we sing row row your boat, round and round the garden and incy wincy spider.
We have a nursery rhyme CD collection so I think we might have to learn some more.

 


It's no secret my life has taken a downward spiral of late, my marriage has ended and I have spent time thinking my life couldn't get any worse. The only thing getting me through these early days is my beautiful shining light at the end of a dark tunnel is my beautiful boy. I can't dwell on what has happened, I can't try and fix things if the other person doesn't want to bother so from now on all I need to think about is Thomas and me and making things as happy and positive as I can for our future.

I am about to start a new full time job role at work a positive change for Thomas and I even though we will see less of each other it will mean I have more pennies in my pocket so that we can do lots more fun things together to make the most of our weekends. Thomas loves going to nursery so I know he will continue to have lots of fun there. It also means that I can try to save some money towards our house deposit because I am still hoping to be able to buy my own house to give Thomas and I some proper stability without the constant thought at the back of my head that anything could happen whilst you are renting.

We have a whole 2014 ahead of and I will make this our year happiness even if I am starting this year as a newly single mum. I have a beautiful son and a truly supportive family by my side I can get through anything!


Over the past week I have been asked this question numerous times and each time I am asked I give a different answer, the truth is I don't know how I feel. Each hour that passes my thoughts and feelings change, so many different thoughts whizz through my head. I just don't know how I feel, I don't know how I'm suppose to feel.

Last Tuesday when we first split I felt numb that quickly changed to feeling like I had failed. I felt like I had failed as a wife and I had failed Thomas like I had let him down because he wouldn't have a family where the mum and dad were together he would have parents who had separated. I felt an over whelming sadness that my marriage was over so soon before it had even got started. Sad that my life would never be the same again.

I felt angry, angry that my "husband" was prepared to throw away our marriage without even trying the only reason was that we had drifted to far apart and if we had wanted to be together we would have tried sooner. We would have said something sooner, that feels like a kick in the stomach I said a long time ago I wasn't happy, I wasn't happy about having next to no help with Thomas or around the house all I got was promises things would change and they never did yet still even now I wanted to try and make things work not just for Thomas but for our sake too but he didn't want to know he had already given up.

I felt angry thinking what was the point in us getting married if in the end he could throw away everything as easy as any other relationship.

I don't feel sad to have lost the man I am married to now I don't feel like I have been loved or appreciated for a long time, I feel sad that the man I married doesn't seem to exist any more the man I fell in love with isn't here. Instead work took over the stress got in the way we drifted apart because we never spent anytime together. Even when my "husband" was at home it's like he wasn't really there he was either to tired to bother or to stressed and uptight.

I made the decision to return to work full time to take some pressure off to give us more money, so we could enjoy the little time we had together more so we could save to make our future better yet this wasn't enough.

I feel lonely even though I have felt on my own for a long time now I feel really lonely

I feel stupid, I feel that people think I am stupid for getting married so young like people expected us to fail anyway and now they have just been proved right. All I ever wanted was to be married have a husband, have a family and be happy. Now that's all gone.

I go through phases where I feel positive, maybe this is the best thing for me I know myself I've not been happy for a long time I think I know deep down things wouldn't have changed. Maybe this was never meant to be. Now I can concentrate on Thomas and myself and make us happy I can make our future as happy and positive as I possibly can.

That's how I feel I.




Dear my beautiful pudding,

It is with a heavy heart I write this letter to you, a couple of days ago your daddy and I split up. If I am honest things hadn't been working for a while now. We never see each other because of your daddy's work and I guess we just drifted to far apart. I hadn't been happy for a long time as I never get any help with you or with the house so I guess that's why I pulled away but I kept giving your dad the benefit of him working long hours maybe I was wrong to think he should help us at home, deep down I knew that was wrong I knew no matter how much he worked he should still put you first he should still try and help at least a little. 
Thomas I want you to understand that I did want to make things work with your dad, I did want to try and see if we could get past this. My thoughts are surely when you are married you tried you damn hardest to make it work whether you have kids of not. Its not something to just throw away at the first sign of a little trouble other people seem to go through much worse and get past it. It's not always easy going of course it isn't nothing in life is easy. I hate how easy he has given up I hate that he couldn't even try. I hate how worthless I feel, how I'm not even worth fighting for. 
Your daddy has decided that there is no way we can fix it, I struggle to get my head round it because nothing bad has happened we just drifted apart because I never felt appreciated that's why I started to pull away because your dad never made any time for me all I was good for is to wash his clothes and clean his house. I stopped felt love I guess that's why I built up my walls. We should have done something sooner to fix this but I have told him how I have felt before and nothing ever changed.
I never expected much, just a little help around the house and a little help to look after you, maybe your daddy isn't the person I thought he was, maybe I had been blind all this time to what he was really like. 

I keep thinking our marriage was all for nothing a big waste of time and money two young people rushing in to marriage. That's all I wanted though to be married to be somebodies wife to spend my life with somebody I love and I thought that's what your daddy wanted too or else why did he ask me to marry him. Why did he stand before me and say his vows to me? I just feel so stupid for thinking that I could ever have it all, I could ever have somebody who wanted to spend their life with me.

There is one little thing that makes me know it wasn't all for nothing and that little thing is you my beautiful Thomas. The light at the end of this dark tunnel I am in. Being your mum will get me through this, you will keep me strong and you will make me happy as long as I have you by my side holding my hand we will get through anything. I love you with all of my heart with every breath I take. You are the reason I get up each morning. You are behind every smile. As long as I have my beautiful son giving me beautiful cuddles and sloppy kisses and holding my hand I don't need anybody else.

It's you and me against the world now my beautiful boy.

All my love forever and always
Mummy xxxx

This week has been the worst but trying to remain positive here are some happy photos.

No matter what happens in life I will always have my son by my side and somebody to hold my hand

Quite a few months ago I spotted the Naked Basics palette on a blog sale and I wanted to get my hands on it as I wanted to have the full set and I have heard a lot of people say how good the palette is and how it fast become the only palette they used so I was definitely looking forward to seeing what it would be like.

The Naked Basics palette contains 6 eye shadows 5 of which are matte and 1 with a slight shimmer which is different from the other Naked palette as they contain mostly shimmer shades with 2 matte shades.


In the photo below you can see the shades that are included in the palette the Venus is the shimmer shade and I like to use this as a highlight for the brow bone. I do really like the shades in this palette but for me it's not a palette that I would use everyday on it's own but I think it's fab to use along with the other Naked palettes.

In my opinion I don't think you Need this palette if you have the others, yes it's a nice size if you are traveling but I think I would still prefer to take one of the other palettes with me as you have a wider choice of shades.


As Thomas grows and develops he starts doing new things everyday he will come home with a new trick something else to amaze me but as he learns new things he stops doing other things or simply just grows out of doing something.

I never want to forget what he was like when he was a baby.

I never want to forget the look of complete satisfaction on newborn Thomas's face
after mummy milk.

I never want to forget those middle of the night feeds.

I never want to forget how Thomas says Mama.

I never want to forget those cute little chubby wrist creases.

I never want to forget how easy it is to make Thomas laugh

I never want to forget those cuddles that Thomas gives.

I never want to forget how Thomas slides his hand in to mine
when he is tired or just wants a little comfort.



I was lucky enough to receive the Ghost Deep Night perfume gift set from my Poppatron for Christmas I have had this perfume before and my mum also use to wear it. I thought I would share with you my thoughts on the scent just in case you were thinking of treating yourself to a new perfume and wanted to try something new.

As you can probably guess from the name the perfume is quite a deep scent a scent that I would only really wear around this time of year. I don't know about you but I have perfumes that I wear around different times of the year. In the winter I feel that deeper scents are better and more suited to the season and then in the summer I like to wear lighter, fresher scents like D&G Light Blue

Anyway back to describing the scent I'm not really much good at picking out different scents in a perfume so I thought I would use a description that I have found. Base note are Amber and Vanilla, heart notes apricot, peach and white wood  with the top notes of Cereus and rose.

What I will say is that this type of scent is definitely a more grown up type of scent it's very feminine and sexy perfect for a date night.



It's that time of the week again where I share with you a couple of photos from our week.

New Year's Eve I spent the night with my little boy
The left is the stroke of midnight NYE 2013 and the right is stroke of midnight 2014
 

Saturday 4th was our on and only family night since Christmas day 
so instead of cooking we went out for tea.


On Sunday we had a Vtech Toot toot day Thomas loves this range
He plays for ages with it. I will be doing a review of the train set soon.
 

I apologise for quality of these photos as they were just snap shots I just took them on my phone but I have just had the Samsung S4 mini and the camera is shocking on it. So I am thinking that I might get a little digital camera just as something to keep on me at all times so I can start taking more photos again. I know I have my DSLR which I love but it's not something you can take round with you all the time.

I hope you have had a happy week this week. Why don't you do a post to share some happy photos

For quite a few months now Thomas has been having the most terrible tantrums and for a while nobody believed David and I when we told them what he can be like but over the past month or so Thomas has begun to have them away from home when we have been at family members houses so they can see what he is like when he starts to have one of his tantrums.

The tantrums where Thomas headbutts are the worst when he first did I just didn't know what to do as I was on my own with one pair of hands and I just couldn't calm him down and I ended up in tears too which probably worked Thomas up even more. Since that day I would say Thomas headbutts something on a daily basis out frustration or having a tantrum I really don't know where he got it from as I spoke to his nursery and they don't have any other children their who do it. Another thing I have started to notice him doing is say I need to change a smelly nappy and disturb him from playing if he can't headbutt something to let his frustration out he will smack himself in on the head.

I have started to learn a few different techniques for when Thomas is having a tantrum the newest one is to count to 10 with him. For Christmas we got Thomas a wooden puzzle with the numbers 1-10 on it the sort that you have to put the numbers back in to their spaces and when he is having a little of rage I have started to distract him with that puzzle counting to 10 like you and I perhaps would if we were angry and by the time we get to 8 or 9 he is sitting down nicely watching us get to 10 and then he just walks off like nothing ever happened.

If Thomas is having a normal tantrum without headbutting I find the easiest thing to do is just walk off and ignore him I will get up and walk in to another room but keep peeking on him so he knows his audience has gone and he will soon stop what he is doing and come and see what I am doing.

If we are having a particularly testing time when Thomas isn't in a very good mood and we are having a series of little tantrums because Thomas is getting frustrated trying to do something with toys I normally find that having a bit of time out works best. I will either take him away from his toys and read a book with him until he's relaxed a bit or if he is in a really bad mood and doesn't want that I will but him in his cot for a while with a book so he can just chill out and get over what ever it was that was annoying him.
Quite a few weeks ago now I was invited to an Event hosted by Braun but unfortunately I was unable to attend as I had nobody to pick Thomas up from Nursery. I was gutted as I was really looking forward to a bit of me time and pampering. I love having a bit of a pampering session although I don't really get much time for it these days. I was over the moon when I was given the chance to try out the Epil 7 Skin Spa, when it arrived I was actually excited to try it out which was a little strange as I have heard lots of people talk about how epilating can hurt.


Not being one to wimp out on trying something new I readied myself for my first ever epilation experience. You can use this epilator wet or dry so I decided to have my first attempt after a hot bath as that would open pores and make the hair removal a little easier and hopefully slightly more pain free. Epilation really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The epilator has a high frequency massage system which actively stimulates your skin to make epilation gentler.

Epilation works better with shorter hair and in the little instruction book that comes in the box you are advised that if your hair is longer than the recommended then to shave slightly before so that the hair you are wanting to remove is short enough. The Silk-epil 7 has close-grip technology with 40 razors and can remove hair as short as a grain of sand which I think is pretty amazing so you can make sure you have completely fuzz free legs.

The epilator attachment looks a lot more scary than it actually is

I also love the fact that this little device comes with a light with comes on automatically when you switch it on so that you can see exactly what you are doing and you wont miss any little stray hairs.

 The Epil 7 comes with a skin refinement brush attachment which has sonic exfoliation technology it has more than 3000 micro-vibrations a minute which exfoliates your skin 4x more than if you were to use a manual brush. The brush head also contains 10,000 fine bristles which gently sweep away any dead skin and stimulates your skin.


I love that you also get a normal razor head as I don't think I would ever dare use an epilator anywhere near more sensitive areas such as your arm pits. You get a few extra attachments which include a trimmer cap to trim hair in more sensitive areas. A sensitive area cap which allows you to use it for your underarms and bikini area.
There is also a facial cap which allows you to remove any unwanted facial hair.



The epilator is rechargeable which is great as you don't have to keep spending lots of money on replacement batteries the only downside I found was that you have to plug it in to a shaver port in your bathroom which isn't a problem for me at the moment as our bathroom has a shaver port but I know a lot of houses don't have them. I should imagine you can get adapters so that you can plug them in to normal plug socks but I am not quite sure where you would get them from or how much they would cost.

Can we just take a moment to just sit and look at how beautiful this palette is? There has been a lot of anticipation around the third Naked palette being released and like many people around the world as soon as I saw the photos emerging from across the pond when they first got wind of the new release I just knew I would have to get my hands on it.

As you know I'm not a fan of dark smokey eyes on myself as I can never make them look good and end up just looking like I have been punched, so when I saw the shades in this palette I knew it would be right up my street. I would say this was quite a light palette as all the shades have quite a pinky/ rose gold sort of colour to them. I knew it would be perfect for me to create a smokey eye without it looking too dark.

I saw a tweet from Khila from Miss Budget Beauty saying that these little beauties were available to pre-order from Look Fantastic I immediately got my card ready to pay as she also shared a discount code which took these palettes under £30 which is an offer you simply can't refuse. I put in my order and sat back and was expecting to wait until the 21st December which was the date we were given that we should receive them by. I was a little disappointed a few days later when they became available in a couple of other shops but then people who had also pre-ordered with Look Fantastic started to receive their palettes I knew mine would arrive soon and it did!

I fell in love.




The palette is simply beautiful and has fast become mine favourite out of the 3 and the Naked Basics palette which I also own. Every shade in this palette is wearable for me unlike the other 2 which have shades in them that I just don't think I could pull off. I would even go as far as to say if it was a choice between having this palette in my collection and every single other eye shadow I own I would chose this every time.

I'm not going to include swatches as I am sure you have already seen a 101 different posts on this palette by now but I just wanted to share my love for Urban Decay's Naked 3 and say if you and wondering whether to get this but thinking you have 1 or 2 or both and do you really need 3 then I have to say yes you do. For me I think 1 and 2 are pretty similar and contain a few very similar colours but with this palette every single shade is completely new so yes you do need it!

Did you cave and get the Naked 3 or are you still trying to make the decision?
As the new year is upon us I decided I wanted a new challenge on my blog last year I attempted the Project 365 and failed miserably after a few months I think work kinda got in the way some days I just felt like I didn't have anything to take photos of so I thought this year I would try something a bit different.

Instead of taking a photo everyday for a year I thought I would do a weekly post containing photos from the week that have made me happy to keep a record of our year that way.

If you want to get involved then please let me know and I might create a linky so that we can share the posts together.

Here are my happy photos from Christmas